Believing God When All I See Is Fear
words + photo Gabi Ross
"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you," (Philippians 4:8-9, NLT).
I have been a full-time missionary for more than nine years. Before that, I took several short-term trips to different countries. One of those trips was especially exceptional.
In 2014, I spent three months at a Bible school in Buenos Aires, Argentina. I call that trip my gift from God because miracle-after-miracle happened to get me there. And while I was there, He did an amazing work in my life.
Before going to Argentina, I considered myself a brave person, but I was also riddled with fear. In fact, during a chapel service my first week there, one of my friends had a word of discernment for me. She said, “I see you walking hand-in-hand with your fears. You know God is up there, somewhere nearby, but the thing that is guiding your day-to-day life is fear.”
She was right.
I knew from that moment, God had brought me to that Bible school campus in Buenos Aires, Argentina, away from everything I knew, to a place where I barely spoke the language, to a place where He could deal with me and my fears.
Fear was the cancer, and Argentina was the place God chose to free me from its grip.
Fast forward a couple months, I was sitting in the prayer room on campus when God revealed an image to me. That illustration has stayed with me to this day, and it has helped me to believe Him, especially when all I see and feel is anxiety. I journaled that moment with the Lord and am now going to share it with you today:
Imagine you're on the beach, in front of a deep hole in the sand. This hole is filled to the top with water. When you focus on getting rid of the fear that you can't change, it's like trying to push the water out of the hole, using only your hands. You work really hard to get it out, but in the end, the water just falls back into the hole. If you do manage to get all the water out, chances are it's going to rain or the tide is going to come, and your hole will fill back up with water.
The only way to truly make sure the water gets out and stays out of the hole is by filling the hole with something else. Therefore, you need to focus on filling the hole with sand instead of on pushing/getting the water out. Focus on filling your heart with love for God and people, allowing this love to give you strength to do what you currently fear is impossible to change.
God did an amazing work in my life in Argentina. Even so, I still frequently deal with anxiety.
I’ve journeyed through several seasons in which He has had to remind me of the freedom He gave me from fear. When those moments happen, I’m always reminded of this ocean-front illustration and feel encouraged to meditate on the true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and admirable things. The excellent and worthy-of-praise things. As I fill the anxiety-ridden hole in my mind with those things, God’s peace truly is with me, and I’m able to once again trust that He is faithful and His plans for me are for my good.